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The Problem of "Control": One of the most frequently spoken sentences by fearful flyers with control problems is that, "I would feel better if I were flying the airplane". Of course, such a statement disarms not only the helper, but the fearful flyer as well. It ultimately says, "Since I can’t have control of this airplane, there is nothing I can do to feel better." My particular answer to such a fearful flyer’s declaration is that there "is nothing you have yet been able to do to feel better". It has been my experience with fearful flyers that the control issue resides in a number of areas of every day life. These areas include; excessive responsibility, either toward a business or dependents; excessive control by a significant other, and the residual effects of over-protectiveness. The excessively responsible individual feels guilt at the first hint of a wish for relief. The guilt makes him work harder which in turn increases the wish for relief. Airplanes symbolize the wish to "get away" and therefore, by displacement, becomes the feared object, rather than the feared wish. It is common for the balance of control in relationships to excessively favor one individual, especially in marriage and employment. One of the best defenses the less dominant individual has against the dominant one is to "become afraid". This type of defense can completely reverse the order of control in a relationship – at least when it involves the fearful situation like flying in an airplane, where the coercion and power of the dominant individual is effectively neutralized. The dynamic of the overprotection control is the opposite of the interpersonal control. Overprotection involves submission to the parental order to "not go too far or have too much fun". The fear of flying here is a submission to parental orders and an avoidance of the guilt that would follow violation of the order to remain near home and family.
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